The Forgiveness steps: Is not forgiving making you ill?

3 thoughts on “The Forgiveness steps: Is not forgiving making you ill?”

  1. Fantastic blog post! Following you from now on!

    Life gets easier when you forgive someone or when you learn to accept an apology you never got. Then again, forgiving does not mean the other person is completely of the hook. There is always residue pain that will linger somewhere in your brain, and it will come to the fore again when that same person is at it again.

    I have learned to forgive and forget out of necessity, because negative thoughts made me sicker than I already was. However, one of my closest friends (ex-friend now) hurt me so badly because he/she couldn’t handle my illness out of their own ignorance and selfishness and I still find it hard to forgive, let alone forget. There are times I am reminded of it and I still cry over it, because their behaviour was so selfish, so ignorant and so unlike what they claimed to be.

    In the end I had to forgive myself first for letting me hurt me in the first place. I know that in time, I will be over it completely but I have to allow myself time and space to do so. Forgiving and forgetting is easy to say, but hard to do at times.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing some of your story Billie.

      Everyone’s journey with forgiveness will be different and we all move forward in the way that is perfect for us, always.

      You are so right, the majority of us find it very difficult to forgive and forget and you have experienced first hand how damaging it can be!

      Many people also struggle with anything changing, or something slightly outside the norm, like an illness… I have experienced it myself after becoming paralysed with people who had been in my life since birth!

      What helped me to forgive, and I hope it may help you, along with the steps, is the understanding that people are in our lives for a purpose, and when that purpose is complete and/or we develop ourselves and grow beyond what they were there for we can simply allow the relationship to fall away gracefully. If we don’t, sometimes things happen that make us need the forgiveness steps!

      Also I would encourage you to ‘drop in’ as my wonderful friend and mentor says, go inside and ask what it is you are getting from still holding on to the pain: why you can’t forgive completely. There is an opportunity for personal growth in there somewhere!

      Again like you say, you can think you have forgiven and the see the person or something that reminds you of the experience and BANG, you know you haven’t. That’s why therapies like BEST are so important and revolutionary. It eliminates the residual subconscious emotional interference to help you heal physically and emotionally.

      Best wishes and love to you on your journey. ❤

      1. Thank you so much for your words, it “sticks” as they have a lot of meaning and truth, and it’s what I keep forgetting (people come into our lives for a reason). What happened to me definitely taught me something about my life and my own behaviours, and I am willing to learn to move past it. I’ve signed up to your newsletters and have saved the June one, so I will look into it tonight. Thank you so much once again, I will definitely look into the BEST therapy!

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