We are all familiar with the term “Forgive and forget“, and how many times have you heard someone say,”Well, I’ll forgive them, but I won’t forget!”. Now I know I’m not alone in realising that the second one isn’t really forgiving! Now bear in mind that we only need to forgive something if we have judged it in the first place, (which we are all avoiding…yes?!), but when we do need to forgive then we must do it completely and forget the negative impact we are holding onto. We don’t tend to forget the events, but we must truly forget the negativity by updating our stored emotional response to the situation and learn to view it neutrally so it no longer impacts us.
One of the reasons we don’t or feel we can’t forgive tends to be that we feel like forgiveness means we condone and accept another persons behaviour, or even our own. We all know that we should probably forgive ourselves a number of things! When we forgive we are allowing ourselves to move forward without being negatively effected whilst knowing that one of the reasons we needed to forgive was because we don’t condone the behaviour (remember the judgement?) and therefore would never behave that way/never will again.
On my personal journey, it was also a revelation that forgiving and loving someone close to me regardless DIDN’T mean that I had to have them in my life all the time or even ever! We don’t have to force ourselves to be in the presence of people who behave in ways we do not find comfortable. We simply send them on their way with love and most importantly, our own benefits from the experience. If someone has been forcibly removed from your life, you can still do these steps….It’s just as important to use the steps with people who may have passed on!
To focus love inwards, and forgiving ourselves is part of that, seems much harder for most people than radiating it outwards. Remember we all have our own journeys and our judgement and misdeeds have been part of that journey, therein lies the blessing. Find the lesson and the blessing and you no longer need to feel ‘bad’ about it. That’s not to say you delude yourself into thinking that because it was part of your journey that it is acceptable behaviour. Sometimes it most certainly isn’t OK! But in the end….you get to be. So…on to nitty-gritty!
If you are familiar with my website, or B.E.S.T work or even the bigger picture holistic conversation, you will already know that stored memory patterns elicit physical responses. If those patterns are negative, like when we hold a grudge or refuse to forgive, they can lead to ill-health. In order to neutralise this subconscious memory or emotion and put your body back into a place where you can create, heal and just live at your fullest potential, you must find the root cause of the emotional pattern. There are a number of ways to begin addressing it, in my opinion, the most effective way being the B.E.S.T method which you can read more about on this blog or on my website (address below). One of the tools we use at Beyond Physical and I personally use when I need them (and even when I don’t think I do I usually find a memory crop up! ) are these steps of forgiveness. True forgiveness of negative experiences you have lived through and with can literally change your state of health. These steps are simple, but they must be carried out with feeling and emotion. If you are not sincere it is basically a waste of time and energy.
- Identify a situation, action or person you feel needs to be forgiven. Think of something from the past you did not like or wish had turned out differently. What you think of could have occurred at any point in your life – yesterday, last week, last year, when you were 2 years old. Usually a person who is held in great esteem or with great affection will pop up.
- Acknowledge that this incident did in fact occur. Think and write about the situation, recalling your thoughts and emotions on the subject.
- Realise that trying to forget events actually just places them in the subconscious where they fester, eventually causing bad health. Trying to forget only enhances the problem.
Having identified a person, action, or situation, you now begin the steps of forgiveness.
Note: You do not have to agree with the actions of the other person or the event in order to forgive. You are forgiving for your own sake, not someone elses. Until you forgive the past, the other person or event is controlling your life. This is true, even if the other person is dead!
- Self forgiveness. You must first forgive yourself for allowing the event to affect your health. Forgive yourself for any harm you may have caused yourself because of this situation, action, or person. Literally say, “I forgive myself for any harm I may have caused myself because of (whomever or whatever situation/action).”
2. Forgive the other person. Next, you must forgive the other person for any harm he or she may have caused you, even if you think you did nothing wrong. Again, literally say these words, “I forgive (whomever) for any harm he/she may have caused me.”
3. Give the other person permission to forgive you. It is not necessary or even recommended that the other person knows you are taking this step. It is, in fact, immaterial. It doesn’t matter whether they know or not, because you are doing this for you, not for him or her. The other person may even be deceased and that’s okay, too. The forgiveness takes place within you. It is not important where the other person is, or even if he/she is living. You now say, “I give (whomever) absolute permission to forgive me for any harm I may have caused him or her.”
The vital key here and in all these steps is sincerity. In order for these steps to affect you and your health, you must perform them with feeling and emotion.
Not only must you forgive it, but you must learn that there is good in it. Learn the lesson that it brought into your life. Why is it good that this happened to you? What did you or can you learn from it? It may be that the best thing you can think of is that you would never do this to another person. Or maybe you learned exactly how not to treat another person or child. Maybe you learned that you can help others who have experienced similar. The point is to learn from the situation. Learn the lesson that life (maybe literally) slapped you with and see the good in it. It is in the past, understand how you are better from it.
- Learn the Lesson. Nothing ever happens to you, it happens for you to learn a lesson. If the lesson is learned correctly and well, it will better enable you to give and receive unconditional love. Remember there are no negative lessons. Be thankful for the lesson, not the experience.
- Be thankful and wish everyone well. Wish the situation and person(s) involved well. Be thankful for the lesson of the moment. If you can learn the lesson as it is presented, you don’t have to store it in your memory and let it fester until it reveals itself as a disease, headache, pain etc. If you really can wish them well and mean it, forgiveness is complete. This is the final step which will set you free and allow health, happiness and success to exist.
Now you have completed the steps, here’s to a lighter, happier, healthier you! Please share so that others can benefit too!
You can find out more about B.E.S.T here on this blog and on my website http://www.BeyondPhysical.co.uk
You can also watch videos on youtube and on my website
Dale Rutherford : The U.K’s ONLY Morter certified B.E.S.T. practitioner
Read more about B.E.S.T and Dr. Sue at http://www.DrSueMorter.com
You can find out more about the Morter System developed by Dr. Ted Morter athttp://www.morter.com
Disclaimer: The entire contents of this blog are the opinions of the writers and not intended o take the place of other medical opinion. It is intended as a sharing of knowledge and information and we encourage you to make your own health care decisions based on your research in partnership with a qualified professional.
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